Printers indulge in profundity and a bit of stupidity - The Noel D'Cunha Sunday Column

There is plenty of room for profound observations and stupid ones in the print industry. The PrintWeek India team has selected the best ones which we feel can never stale. Armed with the innocent-looking dictaphone, we have recorded these life-changing quotable quotes, staggering epiphanies, and insights to free you from the nightmare of 24/7 and 365 days and three-shift existence. Today's Sunday Column is a fun tonic for those suffering from loads of work and that client who bothered you

26 Jun 2015 | By Noel D'Cunha

Do not try to print for one customer forever
You will not succeed

Indian printers become wise in proportion
Not to their experience
But in their capacity to absorb bad deals

We are made intelligent
Not by our recollection of the past
Nor how well we knew Gutenberg or Caxton
But how correctly we plan for the future
What is print but a series of follies
The difficulty is most printers are unwilling to accept them as follies
Which is why they keep repeating them
There is something that holds all print together
That something is never given its just due
It's a dot, dot, dot ...
Please do take care of the customer you like
Or else you will end up having to like the customer you work for
It is not good enough to know what is quality
You must be able to do quality
Every day
Every job
Print isn't only about printing
Print is about creation
The foolish printer
Never sees the same print
That a master printer sees
Why do I hear you say why?
Whenever a customer asks you for something,
You ask, Why? Why? Why?
You will be a master printer the day you say, why not!
All great award winning print jobs
Begin with someone saying
You cannot do that
One per cent of the printers truly produce great print
Nine per cent of the printers think they truly produce great print
And 90 per cent of the printers believe they are in it, to make money than print
Successful printers are those who seek the rules
Grasp the rules
And then they break the rules
Print is all about living in a moment of perpetual astonishment
The best advice one so-so printer received from another is: “No one else knows what they're doing either.”
One big problem with print is
Everybody wants 30% growth rates
But no one wants to do machine maintenance or upkeep
Print is just a series of ups and downs.
And you don't know whether you're in a down until you're climbing out
Or on a peak until you're coming down.
A printer never knows what's round the corner
It’s like drinking whiskey, but not being ready for a hangover
Mr Customer, just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right!
Customers for print come and go, but creditors accumulate!
There are two types of printers.
Those who have got the brains and talent to go as far as they want.
And those who borrow money!

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one!
And when you sent a direct mail to the wrong address, someone always lets you know you erred.
When I look at print, I don’t see colours. I see M Y K!
It takes two to lie
One to print
And one to tell the others on how to print
With the amount of alcohol it consumes
Is there such a thing as a drunk printing press?