Fun and frolic with print in 2015 - The Noel D'Cunha Sunday Column

A hilarious collection of fun and bizarre stuff is how Noel D'Cunha launches the Sunday Column series in 2015. 20 new year ideas and five innovations for every printer which are amazing, illuminating and gut-bustingly funny for a true fan of print. Enjoy the new year treat.

02 Jan 2015 | By Noel D'Cunha

1. The art of talking to trees to produce paper, directly

2. The art of giving CIP3 instructions to your printing press while you sleep. Also known as PDF (Print in Dream Format)

3. The art of mispronouncing technical terms in Latin, Sanskrit and HTML

4. The art of staying calm even when your balance-sheet is totally imbalanced

5. The art of convincing Chetan Bhagat to write a bestseller called: A Top Secret Guide to the Deposit of Fully Bleached Chemicals Under the Blanket Roller

6. The art of reading a guide called: The Supernatural History of Invisible Ink

7. The art of teaching 30 magic tricks to your machine operator: Also known as how to save a job at all costs

8. The art of writing a letter to the man who dropped your brand-new outsert machine into the Arabian Sea at the JNPT dock

9. The art of revealing your top 50 excuses to your clients after serving them for the past five decades. And the client saying, he knew it

10. What is a dot? And other such questions that may occur to you while you do the Adho mukha śvānāsana at 5.30 am?

11. The art of printing outdoors

12. The art of printing underwater

13. The art of printing on the moon

14. The art of printing in a recession (said to be much more difficult than the above three)

15. The art of penning a love story: How Kareena Kapoor’s skin tone fell head over heels in love with Marsala, which has been chosen as Pantone's Colour of the Year for 2015

16. The art of penning a revenge story: How DPI was irritated by LPI – and life became a pixel thereafter

17. The fine art of soliciting customers at airports, conferences, multiplex cloakrooms, dentist clinics and discos

18. The art of grappling with teen angst. In other words, how to cope with your 20-year old neighbour, called Mr Digital Print?

19. The art of detecting a blush. This is very important when the job you produce is praised or wins a PWI Award. If you keep a 6x magnifier in your hand, you shall detect a shade of pink for one micro second

20.  The art of wishing all the kit (from pre-press to press to post-press) in your shopfloor a happy new year

A brilliant print year to you, too.

In addition, there are key inventions that budding inventors in the print industry are working on in 2015. These shall be displayed at Drupa 2016.

A sneak preview:

  • Bullet proof paper
  • An automatic fridge made of corrugated kraft sheets since the ores are empty 
  • Printing ink replaces lip stick, once and for all. So sale of ink, sky rocket. The master printer is in demand
  • A UV + LED offline unit that smoothens wrinkles
  • Currency that duplicates and triplicates when you do one or two good deeds in a day