15 fun commandments about ERP

Getting the right ERP and MIS solution can be the difference between profit and pain. In the past few months, the catch phrases and tech jargons have swamped our industry. Ramu Ramanathan indulges in a bit of fun with ERP

18 Jun 2015 | By Ramu Ramanathan

Fun with ERP #1.

The latest version of the end-to-end modular ERP for packaging and label printers is so good

I suspect very soon we can install them inside human beings

Imagine if I had one of them installed inside me

I can access the stock levels in my brain, my progress, my cash flow and self-manage aspects of my life


Fun with ERP #2.

Speaking of ERPs being installed into a human being

I suspect Lionel Messi already has an ERP

One of the plug-and-pay modules

With regular monthly upgrade cycles


Fun with ERP #3.

ERP is that which is written

(Preferably with Big Data)

And is coded today

For a tomorrow which never comes

'Cause tomorrow never comes


Fun with ERP #4.

A beautiful ERP is an act of resistance

That's because it has to overcome a lot of resistance

Especially in India

From auditors, accountants, operators

And from the Rs 5-lakh mindset


Fun with ERP #5.

ERP is like a Bonsai

Very very beautiful

But very expensive to maintain


Not so pretty as a Bonsai

But hardworking and sturdy like a Bunyan

And survives for hundreds of years


Fun with ERP #6.

There's no such thing as a perfect ERP

There's always something missing

The key is to find it

That's the essence of ERP


Fun with ERP #7.

In the era of Adam and Eve

If there was ERP

There would have been no story of the serpent

And no story of the Forbidden Apple

Simply because we could have future forecasted things


Fun with ERP #8.


Do ERP companies use ERP?


Fun with ERP #9.

We must celebrate National ERP Day

On 32 December

The day all algorithms are on a holiday


Fun with ERP #10.

What is ERP?

A river asked me

If I implement it

Can I flow more

And monetise my activities?


Fun with ERP #11.

ERP is

When the box

In your shopfloor

Asks, what is out of the box?


Fun with ERP #12.

One morning

I asked the rising sun

What is the secret to your success?

The sun replied: centralised portfolio and error-free workflow


Fun with ERP #13.

Next evening

I asked the moon

What happened to you, good sir?

Why are you not as successful as the sun?

The moon said, "what to do, I use Visual Basic!"


Fun with ERP #14.

A good ERP cannot be neutral

If it is so

Then it leads to crimes and scams

That's because corruption is neither Windows nor Unix based


Fun with ERP #15.

I was in a temple town the other day

The priest was promising a newly married couple

"A bungalow, a BMW, a vacation to the Bahamas"

After everyone left

I asked the priest

"Guruji, what was all that about?"

The priest replied: Religion

How so, I asked?

Religion is the world's first profitable e-commerce site

Oh, I said

The priest continued: Prayers are the best web to print platform

What about god? I asked?

The priest said, "God is great because he is on auto pilot

Plus heaven is excellent at customisable customer relationship management


PostScript - I

A short poem for ERP

A cloud in the sky is a cloud

A cloud for a farmer is next season's crops

A cloud in a poet's imagination is an idea


A cloud for an ERP specialist is all the above three

Plus it should have faster throughput, predictive analysis and inventory control


PostScript - II

A shorter poem about ERP

As I sit with Yudhishtra, Duryodhana and Ashwathama

On the battlefield of Kurukshetra

I tell them

With a good ERP

Bundled with workflow analytics and dynamic visual factoring

Plus dashboards on your chariots

You could have managed the Mahabharata better